Everything is a lesson and happens for you
This can be a hard pill to swallow, but if you can, it has the power to completely change your life
What do you really think this life of yours is about? Huge question I know, but after spending a couple of years doing a lot of soul searching and seeking answers to questions like this, there was two simple apparent truths that seemed to pop up everywhere:
1. You come to this life to learn something/s
2. Everything that happens to you is happening for you
You come here to learn things - I don't think this concept is too hard to grasp and accept. I believe you also come here to do certain things and that the learning and the doing are often related to each other. So how do we learn? Usually, we learn best through experience, which is exactly what life provides us with. What are the things you have learnt so far in this lifetime? I don't mean academically, I mean what have been your big life lessons so far? What do you know now that you didn't a couple of decades ago and how did you learn it? What were the circumstances happening around you that led to this important new understanding? Were they painful at the time but you can now see how they were necessary for bringing about learning that ultimately benefited you? Which is where the second apparent truth comes in - everything that happens to you is happening for you. This can be really hard to accept, particularly when something truly terrible has happened. However there are people in this world who have suffered terrible, unbelievable atrocities who are able to take this perspective, take this terrible pain they have suffered, and transmute it into great power, often healing themselves along with many others in the process.
Then come the less than truly terrible things. What about these unpleasant things (the things that perhaps aren't the disasters that we often turn them into in our minds!) -could they be teaching us something that is important for us to learn in this lifetime? An event occurs that leaves you beating yourself up, you get the flu again, you find yourself jealous of another because they got something you wanted, you're chastised by your boss in front of others, you're out of money - yet again...... could there be a something these events are trying to teach you or that could ultimately turn out to be for your benefit? Could it be that you need to learn self-compassion, that you need to slow down and allow your body to recover and treat it with the reverence it deserves, that the person you are jealous of is actually showing you something you would like to develop in your own life, that you need to learn to value and stand up for yourself, or that you are buying too many things to feel better about yourself when, really, valuing yourself is an inside job and no object is going to do that for you?
What about when the same type of situation comes up again and again? Well, this usually means there is a lesson you are here to learn, but you haven't learnt it yet, and the same situation is coming up again and again till you do. This can be where so many people get caught up in a victim mentality: this always happens to me, not to anyone else, why does this always happen to me..... Is it possible to take the perspective of: there is a lesson in this for me, what is it and how can I learn, grow and change in a way that is of ultimate benefit to me? This is the ultimate medicine for a victim mindset because you have taken ownership, you are able to change your mindset and then influence your circumstance for your highest good.
Of course, as you take on new beliefs and shift your thinking towards having ownership of your feelings and perceptions it is still very important to exercise self-compassion. It will take time and remind yourself that blame, shame, and judgement against yourself, or towards others, is never useful. Having compassion for self and others through challenges is often how the healing, learning, and transmuting starts to take place, how something difficult can be transmuted into bringing something wonderful into this world and to yourself.